My Sweet Harley, Dan and I went to visit you today, I put an Angel out for you, changed some flowers. I still can not believe that you are never coming back home to us. Your room is still how you left it, posters are still covering the holes in the wall. Johnny got mad at something and punched the wall, what the hell!!! Just another hole in the wall. I remember how you loved to bake cakes all the time, there is a boy named Eric up there, hope you have met him, I know you have met a lot of friends up there, so many your age, anyway his Birthday is tomorrow, so I know you will bake him a beautiful cake and have a Birthday Party for him. I miss you and love you so much, I have an empty feeling inside and I know that I have to keep on living, but I will never have peace in my Heart, I will have to live my life with a hole in my Heart that can never be mended. I long to see your handsome face and beautiful smile, to hug you, kiss you, to hear how your day was. Why didn't God just take my life and leave you here? That's how it should be. I will finish writing tomorrow sweetie as I am getting tired and have to work in the morning. I Love You and Miss You So Much You Are Always In My Thoughts And Forever In My Heart!!! Love, Momma xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
You Are Right. / Darlene Montano (Passerby) There are no words to describe the feeling of losing a child. My daughter Patty died when she was 2 months old from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I was a horrible mess foe many months and then years. What you say about watching other kids his age I relate to. When Patty first passed I would go to the store not by choice but I had 4 other children at home. If I saw a baby in the store I would go back to my car and wait to see them leave than go back shopping. Hard Painful A Kick in the gut nothing can describe the torture. Your son is so handsome and your pride in him shines so bright. May the Lord give you continued strength and Peace be given to you and your family.
Please visit my husbands site, he was murdered August 2004 now daddy and Patty have a new friend.Estevan Montano inhisloving.memory-of.com
And God Said / Diane Cassidy-Angel Mom-Katie
And God Said / Diane Cassidy-Angel Mom-Katie I said, God I hurt And God said, I know I said, God I cry alot And God said, That's why I gave you tears I said, Life is so hard And God said, That's why I gave you loved ones I said, But my Loved one died!! And God said, So did mine!! I said, It's such a great, unbearable loss!! And God said, I saw mine nailed to the cross!! I said , But your loved one lives!! And God said so does yours!! I said, Where is he now?? And God said, My Son is by my side and Your Son is in my arms!!!!!!!!!
*CHAIN OF COMFORT* / Beverly (Mom)
My Sweet Harley, Someone came up with a beautiful idea called *Chain Of Comfort,* on the 1st of every month at 10:00 p.m. we light a candle in memory of our loved ones, it is really beautiful!! I have met a lot of Mother's that have lost a child, and all the emotions that I am going through are normal for a Grieving Mother, they understand my emotions. Such a terrible tragedy has happened, hurricane Katrina has taken a lot of lives in New Orleans, Alabama and the survivors that couldn't get out are trapped. It is horrible and complete devastation. So much pain, sadness and misery in this life. I sometimes wonder "What is our purpose here on Earth?" "Why do we have to endure so much pain and misery?" These are things I have never thought about before. Sweet Son of Mine, please look out for all that love you, especially Johnny and Drew and Nicole. Until Next Time...... You Are Always In My Thoughts And Forever In My Heart!!! I Love You!!! Love, Momma xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Your life was a blessing / Beverly (Mom)
My Precious Son Harley
Your Life Was A BlessingYour Memory A TreasureYou Are Loved Beyond Words And Missed Beyond Measure
Sweet HarleyYou Are In My Thoughts And Forever In My HeartEvery Moment Of Every Day
Love, Momma xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Memories of our lives together / Beverly (Mom)
My Precious Harley, Dan and I went to visit you today, as we do every Sunday, am always anxious to visit you, even though I know you are up there with the Angels, it makes me feel better when I visit you. My mind always goes back to the night of the accident, I wonder why you all didn't leave earlier, why did you have to wait for James, what was so important in Mike's duffle bag that he had to have it that night? But I suppose all of you being so young, you do everything on the spur-of-the-moment. I guess I was the same way when I was your age, I never felt that anything would ever happen to me. Through your web site I have read about and met a lot of people that have lost their child, so many of us Mother's grieving for the child we gave birth to, so many Father's, Brother's, Sister's that are also hurting, nobody ever said life was fair, but I never in a million years thought that I would be burying one of my children. That thought never,ever, entered my mind. I took it for granted that you kids would be burying me first, I'm the one who smokes, I'm the one who is 50 years old, why did it have to be you, why not me? I drive myself crazy always asking why? what if? Nicole Eck is back from Japan and stopped by yesterday, she looks good and is a beautiful young lady. She will be living in Gainesville and starting school in October. Drew is doing much better now and he will start school in January, Johnny has already started and Nicole just wants to marry T.J. and be a housewife. That is ok if they can afford it, but now a days it takes two paychecks. I was very fortunate, I did not have to work when all you kids were little, you were all at home with me until you all started school, so I was able to see the first time you walked, the first time you did everything. I breast fed all of you for awhile and then put you all on Formula. Harley, you were the hardest to give up your bottle and when you were drinking your bottle I had an old nightgown that was silky and you would always drink your bottle and want to feel that nightgown, that was like your security blanket. You were the easiest to potty train and never, ever wet the bed. I miss those days and wish I could have them back. Well, Son it is getting late and I have to work tomorrow so I will say "Goodnight and Sweet Dreams." Look out for all that love and miss you especially Johnny and Drew. Until next time....My Precious Harley Always Know That You Are Always In My Thoughts And Forever In My Heart!!! Love, Momma xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Heartache/ Momma (Mom)
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal..... Love leaves a memory no one can steal.........
Strength To Go On / Beverly (Mom)
My Sweet Harley, It has been a depressing week for me, all I can do is cry and cry. I miss you so much, my heart aches to hold you, kiss you, see your handsome face and beautiful smile, and to hear your soft spoken voice. It has been almost 19 months since you passed away and life has been a living HELL! I try to be strong, but I just can't be. I see little boys and I think of you at that age, I see teenagers and young men that are wearing Quiksilver and Volcom tee shirts, and they are wearing the same kind of necklace that you would be wearing and the tears just start flowing down my face. It is just so hard to live without you, my mind is numb most of the time, the pain, heartache and loneliness is unbearable. I feel like I have to put on a fake face just to get through the day. I feel like a robot, doing just what I have to do to get by. Life is miserable and depressing!! I just can't accept that this was God's plan for your life, I will never accept that this was "your time" you had so much living left to do, you made a difference in so many people's lives!!! Over and over I ask God "Why our children?" they haven't even lived yet, their lives were just beginning. I also know that I could have lost 2 son's in the accident, but "Why" did I have to lose any children? Am I being punished for something that I did, or something I didn't do? I will never know the answer to that only God knows "Why" and we are not supposed to question what God does, I just don't understand why he has to take our children and put the parent's through so much pain, heartache and misery. A part of me died the night you passed away and life will never be as we knew it, I will do all the things that I must do in life to survive, but my Heart will never heal from your death!!! The worst human tragedy and suffering in this life is the death of one's child!!!! Until next time.... My Sweet Harley Always Know That You Are In My Thoughts And Forever In My Heart!!!!! You Are So Loved And Missed!!!! Waych Over All That Love You!!! Love, Momma xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
A Mother's Day / Beverly (Mom)
Another Mother's Day! But a different one this year For you see I am a Mother, But my Son isn't here.
I am a Mother who is hurting For my Son was so dear, As I face this and other occasions Each and every year.
I am a Mother who feels emptiness Over and over again, Because I miss my Son And all that could have been.
I am a Mother who has memories And many tears to cry Over regrets I'll have to live with Until the day I die.
I am a Mother who is thankful; For the miracle of birth, And all my Son has taught me About life and my own self-worth.
I just can't stop being a Mother Just because my Son isn't here, Because the love we had for each other Will continue for years and years.
And so... On this special "Mother's" Day, I will feel within my heart, And all the pride, love and joy Which are the parts That make me who I am, And what I'll always be A MOTHER Just remember that...please!!!!
Always In My Thoughts, Forever In My Heart / Beverly (Mom)
My Sweet Harley, I went to visit you Sunday and I just cried and cried, I want so much to be able to hug you, kiss you, see your handsome face and beautiful smile, and I can never do any of these things anymore. Some days I just feel like I don't want to go on, and I know that is not fair to Dan, Johnny, and Nicole, but I can't help feeling that way. My mind is always thinking of you, when you were born, when you were a little boy, and then your first day of school, and when you were a teenager, and then a fine, young man. Only God and any Mother that has lost a child knows how I feel, if I could only give up my life to get you back here I would. I turned 50 on Saturday and I have lived my life, you are 22 and had so much living to do, and what an awesome personality and a great sense of humor you had. You are the first person on my mind when I wake up, and the last person on my mind when I go to sleep. It is still to hard for me to believe that you have passed away, life has been cruel to me, I thought that I had enough hurt and pain when I was a child, but nothing can ever compare to the death of one's child. I know that I have to go on with life, because that is all we can do, but my heart will always ache for you, my heart will always have a hole that can never be mended. Drew is out of the hospital and he came to the Johns family reunion with us, it is not the same anymore. I remember the last reunion you came to. You, Johnny and Mike were on the 4 wheelers and I was so scared you guys were going to get hurt and you did fall off, but you just scraped up your legs. Oh, how I worried every time you boys went off somewhere, I always wanted to keep you home with me and that way I knew you all would be safe, but I had to let you grow up, and when you first started driving I would not go to sleep till you got home and then I could breathe a sigh of relief knowing you were safe, and then I could go to sleep peacefully, knowing all my babies were home. Harley, you brought such joy and happiness into my life, even through the teen years when you had a little bit of rebellion, but that is just being a normal teenager, but you were the most loving, gentle,compassinate, sensitive, thoughtful young man. Such beautiful qualities in a person!!!!! I will go for now as I am getting tired. Please look out for Drew and Johnny, those 2 are true friends and they are good for one another, you know all the time Drew spent here with you and Johnny, I feel like he is another one of my kids. Watch out for Nicole and T.J. she has a hard time coping with losing her Big Brother, watch out for Dan, he is not been feeling well. Watch over your friends and all who love you. Until Next Time My Precious Harley... You Are Always In My Thoughts & Forever In My Heart!!!!! I Love You 4 Ever & Always Through Eternity!!! Love, Momma xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo